If i come over, it means nothing
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
