So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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