South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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