Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
