My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
