So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
