My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
