Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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