she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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