Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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