my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
That's how pantless uber rides happen
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