Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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