i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
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