Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
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Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
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Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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