I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
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You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
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Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO