i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me