my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
