i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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