your thong is hanging out like whoa
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.