No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I love you.
Bad choice
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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