I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
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My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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