You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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