since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
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what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
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Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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