What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
