Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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