A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
