I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
