wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
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