woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
