She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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