Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
