I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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