Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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