i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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