yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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