he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
My life is pants optional.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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