Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Randomize
