I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
