I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
