This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
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