Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
