you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
