dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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