If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
