you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
