YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
