A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
