dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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