you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
