He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
