Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.