So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
