Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
