ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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