He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
