i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
