shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
