I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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