So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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