Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
