Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
