I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
