Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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