Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You ate ashes out of my bong
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
